Welcome

What does it mean to welcome? Many of us say “All are Welcome!” to our congregations or ministries. But what does that mean?
 
According to Ruth Fletcher, in her book Thrive: Spiritual Habits of Transforming Congregations, there is a difference between being “friendly” and being “welcoming.” (pp. 75ff) Friendliness invites newcomers into what already exists and then expects them to change to fit into the current system. People in a friendly community say in subtle or not-so-subtle ways: “We’re glad you joined our family. But it’s OUR family and we hope you like the way we do things. If not, there’s the door.”
 
Welcoming, on the other hand, integrates newcomers into the community by letting them be themselves and allowing them to belong as equal partners with gifts, ideas, and experiences to share. Welcoming is willing to explore the new opportunities that newcomers can offer. In a welcoming community, members say with everything they say and do: “We want you to share your gifts and we’re ready to be transformed by them.”
 
           Fletcher tells the story of a congregation whose members thought they were welcoming. {p.78} But as the newcomers began to take more responsibilities in fulfilling the mission of the congregation by trying new things and encouraging new ways of being community, the friendliness with which they were greeted when they arrived disappeared. Fletcher writes, “The established members complained that the women who had more recently come…didn’t comply with the rules of the church kitchen. Others grumbled about noisy, active children disrupting the Sunday service. When younger adults introduced a different kind of music, old-timers put up with it for a while, but soon grew angry about all the changes in the church. The atmosphere in the congregation grew tenser until the newer people gave up and left. Then the old-timers breathed a sigh of relief and the church returned to its comfortable former habits…” To Fletcher’s story, one might easily add the words “…and slowly died” because a congregation that does not find a way to be welcoming beyond friendliness will slowly dwindle away.
 
           In an article entitled “All are Welcome” in the March 2016 edition of The Living Lutheran, Wendy Healy quotes Brenda Smith, “People are looking for three things in a church. One, a warm community that loves and follows Jesus; two, a place where they can learn something; and three, a church that is doing something to transform the world.” To truly welcome people – both newcomers and established members – is to construct a WHOLE community that creates opportunities for these three things to happen in a life-giving, spirit-empowering way that recognizes and welcomes everybody’s gifts by “finding places where those gifts can best be used to serve the vision, mission, and values established by the whole congregation.” {Fletcher, p. 83)
 
           So how specifically can we go beyond friendliness to be truly welcoming in the Church? Here are three of many possible suggestions:
 

• Pay attention to the things you do or don’t do that create barriers to the experience of welcome for people. For example, do you only engage with your own cliques or do you invite people beyond your friendship group into your church experiences?

 

• Cleanse your expectations about what newcomers can provide to the congregation; instead, focus on what you can provide to them. (Cf. Matthew 25: 35-40) If the congregation hopes that newcomers will become replacement parts for members who are worn out from carrying the load, it won’t be a real welcome. Instead, the perceptible neediness and self-serving expectations will scare people away.

 

• Learn how to listen and live in ways that creates a space where each person’s complete self feels free to show up and participate as they are without fear of judgment.

 
Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes you welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.” (Mt 10:40) Finally, welcoming people means welcoming them as if they are Christ, ready to be transformed by their presence among us.
 
In Christ,
 
Bishop Laurie